Sunday, February 20, 2011

Shallow Ground

Yesterday, ALL day, I found myself on very shallow ground.  It was ALL about me, everything.  I felt like shit after eating ice cream at 10pm the night before.  Truly hung-over.  All I could do was focus on ME and what I "thought" was the issue ( boy did I pick the wrong issue).  It was not until last night during and after mass that I put the pieces of my puzzle together.  I sit in the meeting feeling sorry for myself not even hearing that it is all exactly what I am doing.  I am perfect at avoidance, perfect.  I divert attention, I create perfect situations to NOT deal with my very own shit.  That is what made me a very, very good alcoholic and that is what will get me drunk again if I let it.  I know I am always on a ledge and that is a very hard place to live.  I am not always as close to the edge as some days and then there are days like yesterday.

Thank you God for keeping me sober, for a beautiful family, and very very special friends who will listen to me and not judge because they understand.

Today it is not about me so much as it is about my 5 year olds birthday!! Ahhhh

Today I wish myself Peace and to you all Namaste.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Game On: still in it!

Game On: still in it!: "Haven't blogged in awhile. Thanks everyone for your blogs keeping me in it and engaged. Really. I have been a bit busy this week and ..."

still in it!

Haven't blogged in awhile.  Thanks everyone for your blogs keeping me in it and engaged. Really.

I have been a bit busy this week and that has really thrown my eating off.  I just get caught not eating enough and then it is too late to eat more.  Whatever!  It will all shake out.  I just hope my body doesn't fight back and hold on to a bunch of water, or worse, this week.

Doing well with eating out and with having people over!  Thought I would just DIE but guess what?  Still here.  Thank goodness Becky W was one of the guests and we could watch each other.  At one point I almost decked here when I saw her daughters piece of cake in front of her, oops, would have really felt silly about that one.  It also helped that everyone else was from the gym.  That whole thing about rolling with like minded people really does help quite a bit.  If I were in a room with a bunch of eaters or food pushers I wonder if I would hang in.

I am really feeling for Matt.  That schedule and client/customer stuff has got to be a bitch.  I really don't know how well I would do and I can totally see it just getting harder each time.  Not something that you can really get accustom too and leave it.  Really gotta live it!  Peace to you Matt and strength.

All for now,

Monday, February 7, 2011

Ask your body!

Honestly, not my idea. 

Divine intervention?  Good vibes?  My higher power looking out for me?  Not sure and don't care.  At the end of my new favorite yoga class the instructor tells us all that, "we are exactly where we need to be".  That resonates with me in more ways than I am willing to admit.  We are all TOO busy, TOO tired, TOO everything to proceed with anything.  What I was living wasn't working and I was not changing the process.  Some call that insanity...

Things seem to have gotten faster around me yet I am okay with it all.  Most situations are not ideal and I am coping with it all.  I am strong.  I am healthy.  I am alive.  I have more coping mechanisms and more energy.  I feel good.

I was told 5 or 6 weeks ago that I should lose weight and my pre-hypertension would not be a problem.  After three weeks of being "ALL in"  I have lowered my blood pressure considerably, 106/70, and feel wonderful.

Chris said a lot of helpful things on Saturday.  One thing he said I really enjoyed, "if you ask your body to do something, it will most likely do it".  Ask your body!!

Just Do It
Then Do It Again
(saw that on a livestrong t-shirt) I love it!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Now it's brownies..

Just wanted everyone to know that the whole popcorn thing subsided and turned into a brownie thing.

I don't know if it is just me, but I seem to have this serious attachment to food.  It is all kinds of food and it is all the time.  I equate everything to food:
                                                                        Directions to my house, turn right at McDonald's
                                                                        Remember that party, we had that cake with the candy
                                                                        Don't forget to make the "brownies" for the meeting
Oh, and I am not sure if I will ever see another movie due to my unhealthy addiction to movie popcorn.

I know it is not just me.  I also know that it will pass just like the popcorn, let's say, situation.  The hard part is riding the wave.  I am hoping that saying this, like at Saturday's meeting, the NEED for a "you know what" will dissipate.  Hummmm!  What do you think?  ;)

No excuses

Saturday, January 22, 2011

New Day

Okay, a new day!!  Ahhhh.  I will keep taking this one day at a time.

It's all good :)

Friday, January 21, 2011


For some reason I am very discouraged today.  I know it is day 5 and I know it is too early to feel like this.  I cannot figure myself out today.  Trying to "ride the wave" and it is a lot of work today.  I have been reading blogs and magazines and books and I keep getting down on myself.  Oh well, this too shall pass.