Yesterday, ALL day, I found myself on very shallow ground. It was ALL about me, everything. I felt like shit after eating ice cream at 10pm the night before. Truly hung-over. All I could do was focus on ME and what I "thought" was the issue ( boy did I pick the wrong issue). It was not until last night during and after mass that I put the pieces of my puzzle together. I sit in the meeting feeling sorry for myself not even hearing that it is all exactly what I am doing. I am perfect at avoidance, perfect. I divert attention, I create perfect situations to NOT deal with my very own shit. That is what made me a very, very good alcoholic and that is what will get me drunk again if I let it. I know I am always on a ledge and that is a very hard place to live. I am not always as close to the edge as some days and then there are days like yesterday.
Thank you God for keeping me sober, for a beautiful family, and very very special friends who will listen to me and not judge because they understand.
Today it is not about me so much as it is about my 5 year olds birthday!! Ahhhh
Today I wish myself Peace and to you all Namaste.